Mevrouw Mikmak

nr. 256 – Don’t shoot the messenger, originally uploaded by mevrouwmikmak.

Don’t shoot On Black
This is yesterday’s picture.
I have had a few tough days behind me.
(stop reading here if you are not into it)

Not only did I have to make the hard decision to let Baloe die.
I have had a huge fight with my ex-husband about it.
During our marriage I wasn’t even allowed to kill a spider, because you are not allowed to take someones life, including bugs and creepy caracters in his believe.

( a little piece of history)
I always wanted to have a dog of my own, but because I had a job that made me travel the world, having a dog was no option.
When I got pregnant, I decided the time was right for a dog as well, because I had to create a home for the family I would have.
I fell in love with Baloe, from the moment I saw her.
She was like a little bear, all black and fluffy.
So Baloe was mine, but since we lived together and later even got married, Baloe was his as well.
After the divorce, Baloe went where our children went.
So once every 2 weeks, she was with him for the weekend.
The last few years, she didn’t so much, Baloe was getting older and he was on the road all the time, so she stayed home a lot.

I found it important to pay the last respect for Baloe, with the 4 of us. Since Baloe was a little bit his as well.
But then all hell broke loose.
I was a egoistic creature for making a dicision like that.
I did not deserve to have a dog at all, when I said things like that.
He shouted I was a crazy and a lunatic for even think about letting a healthy dog put to sleep.
He just wasn’t willing to accept the fact that Baloe is very sick, very old, has cancer in her belly, liquid behind her organs and is slowly choking.

We paid another visit to the vet last week and when the vet told us, that Baloe would choke and suffer very much if we did not make this dicision quick.
Luckily my ex understood and accepted.
We dicided today should be the day.
This afternoon at 16. 15 the vet will come to our house and put Baloe to sleep.
After that we will bury her in his fathers garden, she will have a beautiful spot there.
The children can go any time to visit her.
I am glad, we can all have piece with this, but it still will be hard, painful and sad.

(start reading here again)

To make a long story short:
"Don’t shoot the messenger"

nr. 255 – The sad decision, originally uploaded by mevrouwmikmak.

Sad On Black
Today we went back to the vet with Baloe.
She is getting worse and if we don’t help her, she will choke and die very slowly.
Next wednesday we have an appointment, the vet will come to our house and give Baloe euthanasia.
It is one of the saddest decisions I had to make in my life.
Baloe is with me for 14 and a half years now, the children don’t even know how life is without her, they were born later.
My life have been pretty hectic the last 15 years and a lot has happened, but Baloe was always there.
Now I have to say goodbye to her, she has had a good and healthy life, but saying goodbye doesn’t hurt any less because of that.

nr.254 – Holy Smoke, originally uploaded by mevrouwmikmak.

Holy Smoke

nr.253 – I am so sorry, I did it, originally uploaded by mevrouwmikmak.

Yesterday i finally managed to make the most stupid, dull and did I mention stupid picture.
I got myself lovely orange bunny ears, but if i am fair, my heart is not into this project right now.
I think yesterday i have hit rock bottom, with this project.
I have the feeling my shots are not good enough last days, or even weeks.
I have to find my swing again, but my head is kind of occupied,
I have to finish my website, because next week i will be the featured artist in Photo Digi Pro magazine.
I am really proud, but i have had several problems setting up my website.
When things went wrong with Baloe last week,nothing else seemed to be important anymore.
Next week my sister is getting married, i will be the weddingphotographer, I am nervous about that, I only have one sister and I want it to be good, and I wanted to make her something personal, we have to practice a song we will be performing,
I have to prepare a few things for my boyfriends birthday next week. I miss him and I am worried , he went on a roadtrip with the motor and a friend and they are having bad weather, I don’t think that is a good and strong combination, bad weather, mountains and biking.
Today is fathersday so i will visit my parents this afternoon.
i have to cut their hair for the wedding next week.
Right now i go to help my children help prepare their father(my ex-husband) a fathersday breakfast. He will be here in half an hour.

I am sorry you had to watch this ;-(

nr. 252 – Who Am I to deside, originally uploaded by mevrouwmikmak.

View On Black

Today i had a really difficult day.
Baloe felt better today, and did not have any attacks anymore.
Her eyes were so much brighter today.But getting up and walking seems to be history. She still eats and drinks.
The vet told me yesterday, that this effect could take place, but warned me not to get my hopes up.
The medicine is doing it’s job, so she has less pain.
It doesn’t solve her illness, although i was happy to see her better today.
Several people gave me the advise of letting her put to sleep as soon as possible.
I could not do that today, I have decided I will go to the vet when her suffering is getting to bad for her and for us to watch her suffer.
I am so afraid it will be a matter of days, and although i know she is not getting better, there is still a piece of me wishing, this is all a bad nightmare and she will survive and get even older.